You’ve got a black hole in your eye

Hello all y’all!

Here’s some news, i’m leaving my new york city.
i’m departing probably in early march.
moving upstate to get steroid injections, but a temporary relief for a pinched nerve in my back.
hopefully ill get surgery to get rid of this awful thing that’s tormented me for the past two years.
i really mean tormented!!!!!!!!!!
it was a work related injury. what happened was i fell down some stairs at Babycakesnyc bakery, and went to several doctors and went through two bouts of physical therapy and endless amounts of drugs only to have my doctor ACTUALLY BELIEVE ME a month ago and get me a SECOND MRI which confirmed i had a pinched nerve. this shouldve healed in a couple weeks, but for reasons, it just didn’t. it’s caused so much anxiety and pain in my life that i cry everytime i even try describing it. i can’t sit for more than 15 minutes to draw at a time. i tried yoga, i tried HOT yoga, i tried regular exercize and stretches along with the annoying invasive physical therapies i stayed so positive about.
let’s list just SOME of the medications i’ve been on in the last two years resulting from this injury:
(which by the way, i refused to take ANY medicine for any sickness i’ve ever had before.)

-lyrica (the worst)
-nabumetone
-methocarmabol
-meloxicam
-xanax (also the worst)

the pain would still chronically radiate and freeze my left arm, left shoulder, and neck.
the worst part in my own brain is that i had to do it all on my own. i had to go through crazy anxieties in my own brain going from believing myself to not believing myself while forcing myself to communicate with two worker’s compensation advisors and all the doctors in my path, repeating my story over and over, through all of my pain. and i was working the entire time, never complaining.
the news is relieving, but real.
the pain has made me a completely cynical and angry person. it’s created an anxiety in my life that’s caused conflict in friendships and other aspects of my social life. i’ve said to my real husband keith, many times, that i wish he had met me before i fell down those stairs.
i mean, can you even imagine what it’s like to suffer such pain for two years without anyone really believing you? to the point where it convinces you that maybe they’re right? and that you should give up? it’s the most difficult thing i’ve endured ever.
have you ever broken a bone or pulled something and wondered what it would be like when you’re 80?
have you ever been wary of the future because you realize that you can’t bear to see yourself in pain and working as hard as you once had?
all of these anxieties have played through my mind thousands of times.
i HAVE to move because i CANNOT work anymore with this pain in my life, which i now know is not something that’s just a manifested injury in my own mind. i want to rest and keep my family company.

i feel horrible that i’m leaving new york, but this is the only way. i’ll be back, and i am also considering philadelphia as an option. i really liked it there.

i am happy that this is the end of my journey in pain, well actually, i hope so.

anywho, next time i post hopefully it’ll be a comic, or a recap of my last month in new york.

i love you, y’all.
xx